I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
