this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
