Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
