batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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