listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shame is for Republicans.
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