so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
