we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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