Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The uberlube is also flammable
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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