So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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