she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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