she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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