i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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