I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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