kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
