Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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