I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
