I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
