She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
