he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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