I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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