I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
