You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
