So drunk its hurt
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
