He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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