I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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