I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
