Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

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  (858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. http://tfl.nu/kkl3
  Replies (23) Good night (14304) Bad night (1160)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Hi, my name's audrey!

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Max?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.

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  (740): Hi, my name's audrey! (614): Max? (740): Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk. http://tfl.nu/di7n
  Replies (31) Good night (6131) Bad night (948)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

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  (419): Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico http://tfl.nu/934w
  Replies (18) Good night (7286) Bad night (1079)
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  (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

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  (818): Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around http://tfl.nu/awow
  Replies (9) Good night (3595) Bad night (1280)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4873) Bad night (1070)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Your godly.

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  (403): Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation. (1-403): Your godly. http://tfl.nu/7li2
  Replies (13) Good night (4198) Bad night (1051)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll

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  (304): when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll http://tfl.nu/utzt
  Replies (9) Good night (3017) Bad night (1024)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard

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  (519): You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard http://tfl.nu/bgm2
  Replies (7) Good night (2468) Bad night (781)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?

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  (832): I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went? http://tfl.nu/hldx
  Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (1250)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?

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  (308): So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/8n8l
  Replies (5) Good night (471) Bad night (768)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs

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  (902): I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs http://tfl.nu/ena6
  Replies (0) Good night (671) Bad night (295)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)

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  (309): Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.) http://tfl.nu/zrht
  Replies (3) Good night (887) Bad night (280)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.

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  (907): I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused. http://tfl.nu/yzqj
  Replies (6) Good night (390) Bad night (522)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.

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  (404): As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection. http://tfl.nu/m3hm
  Replies (2) Good night (349) Bad night (209)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.

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  (617): Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned. http://tfl.nu/urtx
  Replies (0) Good night (403) Bad night (187)

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