I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs