I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing