i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
