11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.