i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
