I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum