census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
