this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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