Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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