I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
