I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize