Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
