I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
