my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
