i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
