Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
