you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
