Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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