i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
