At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
