Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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