I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
