I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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