____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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