i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
