When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
