Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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