I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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