He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize