He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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