I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
