The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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