Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
