Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
