Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
