Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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