shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
