I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
