I didn't shave. On purpose
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
