we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
