You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
