i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
