The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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