Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
