is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
