Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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