I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
