My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
