I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
