When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize