We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
