no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
