not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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