Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
