the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
