he wants to bone in the snuggie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
