just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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